So I'm here in F-L-A

I got here yesterday, and have finally gotten the script this evening . . . I have tomorrow to rehearse, then go time on Friday . . . I have to crash, but I will update this more often starting tonight, or tomorrow rather.

AHH!!

I'm going nuts.

I haven't slept in 24 hours, but this is all intenitonal. Instead of sleeping, I went to 3 parties last night, and stayed up until 6 AM, and went straight to work.

Dumbass.

I have to work something like 50 hours between tomorrow and Thursday, before I head to Austin for ACL, and I have NO TIME after ACL to get ready to go to Florida on Monday.

Dumbass.

I have reduced my errand time for my upcoming trip to TOMORROW from about noon to 3 . . .

Dumbass.

I am, instead of going to sleep, after 24 hours of being awake, about to leave for a date. I've planned this date in the past 15 minutes, as before I called Audra, I was just going to go to bed.

Dumbass.

I've had 3 requests from girls I've dated recently (not girls, I'm dating, persay, but girls I would go out with occassionally before I left for Oregon) to see me before I go . . . I have yet to respond to any of them.

Dumbass.

I'm currently blasting "Ballad of Jim Jones" by Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Not particularly dumbass.

I did just ask my date how old she was . . . (21)

Dumbass.

I'm out.

Good Luck to me.



Last 10 songs played by my shuffle of my Ipod:

Scouts Honor - Les Savy Fav
Ballad of Jim Jones - Brian Jonestown Massacre
One Down - Ben Folds
Witch Doctor - Galactic
Farm Fresh Onions - Robert Earl Keen
Average Man - Turin Brakes
Certain Songs - The Hold Steady
Lost Myself In Search of You - Matt Nathanson
Neighborhood #1 - Arcade Fire
Casino Queen - Wilco

I've decided...

I've taken the job in Florida, and I'm heading out the day after ACL Fest (The 26th)

I think I'm happier when I'm on the road . . . it makes my time at home a bit more important I guess . . . My friends, unfortunetaly, mean more to me when I've been gone for a while, than when I'm around them all the time . . .

I'm in a weird place right now, because I've basically spent the past 2 years of my life traveling, bouncing from job to job . . . I realy kind of love it . . . I find myself being very internal right now . . . I love my friends, but I guess I'm in a self-discovery mode at this point in my life. Quarter life crisis and whatnot. I'm not making much sense, so I'll stop now.

Now it gets personal...

I haven't felt like that about someone in years. This unfortunately include a couple of RELATIONSHIPS that I've been in . . .

I'm beginning to realize what it was . . . perfection.

I couldn't have written a better script for my evening, and yet it all happened . . . She made me realize how I want someone to make me feel everday of my life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I'm starting to think that I'm just one of the lucky ones who get to experience a perfect time and a perfect solitary moment . . . I've haven't felt that way when I kissed someone since . . . anyway . . . I'm also beginning to realize the solitary nature of the evening. Did it happen because there could be no consequence? Did we both give in because there was no reason not to? We couldn't break eachothers' hearts in the morning, we couldn't begin to grow to hate things about eahother, we couldn't begin to despise the way the other spoke or chewed food . . . we just had that one night where we could let go . . . there was no fear of wrecking a future that didn't exist. I've been to a place where few go, and now I know what I want to feel when I'm with someone . . . and it's all because of a girl 6 years my junior . . . I will forever cherish that night. As it is I can't stop thinking about it . . . regardless, I'm very lucky. I hope someone makes you feel the way she made me feel that night. It's a remarkable thing.

Seattle/Portland

Seattle was fun . . . the whole town kinda gives off the "too cool for school" vibe, but otherthan that, it's a great little town. It's bigger than I thought it was going to be . . . Michael and I went and saw Jude night before last. He was really mediocre, but I was happy to be seeing live music in Seattle . . .

I can tell you that there is atleast one pretty cool disc golf course in Seattle . . . fucking hippies . . .

I did leave one day early to go back to Portland, my new favorite town, usa. Portland rocks man, I'm telling you . . . I got in town and went to this amazing dive of a movie theatre to see the new Jeff Buckley documentary, then Heather and I continued our tour of the city . . . I'm seriously falling for this city fast, it's kinda ridiculous . . . anywho, we had a great time . . .

And, just so you all are aware, I'm sitting in the Portland airport, wait to come home . . . welcome me, I might not be staying long . . . I might be in Florida for the month of October . . .

I really need to do this more...

This is going to be a generalized relfections on my past few months . . . I'll also speak briefly about my future plans. Thank you all for coming to this news confrence.

Alright . . . The lab was easily the most important thing I've ever done. I made more solid connections and came to more realizations about theatre and myself than at any other time of my life. It was just amazing...

I could talk for hours on end about the experience, but I'll hit you up with some quick highlights:

1. I had my NYC debut and directed a show at The Cherry Lane Theatre. It could not have gone better! The guy who wrote it, Ross Berger, was a Cherry Lane Fellow and was mentored by Michael Weller, who came to see the show. We wound up having a nice chat after the show, and he told me that I did a great job with the show. I told him that he must have done a great job mentoring as well.

2. Dolly, a lab director, saw the Cherry Lane piece, and asked for a copy of it to translate into Chinese. She also said that if it works in Chinese, she would like Ross and I to come to China to work on a production . . . since she's working in a National theatre, I really think there's a shot of this
happening.

3. I've been offered a show in the Strawberry Festival in Sept. in NYC. No pay, but we'll see . . . the script is not that great, but if I like the playwright, maybe it could be a doable situation. I'll know more late next week. (I since turned this show down, but it was nice to be thought of)

4. Paula Vogel. Oscar Eustis. Ming Cho Li. Andre Bishop. Anne Cattaneo. Warren Leight. Donald Marguiles. Michael Weller. Samm-Art Williams. Dan Sullivan. Ira Wietzman. Lloyd Richards. Edward Machado.

5. Fredrick is actively seeking a way to get me to assist him on some shows in Denmark.

6. Lauren is actively seeking a way to get me to assist her on some shows in Melbourne, Australia.

7. Ashlie is actively seeking a way to get me to direct a show in Toronto.

8. Alexandria is wanting me to help with the English version of this website that is an online "hotel" for playwrights, where they can meet up and co-write if they want to. It's sponsored by a bunch of private funding in Belgium and Sweden.

9. I'm good friends with the co-founder of the new DC Fringe.

10. I have more playwrights at my disposal right now than I know what to do with.

So . . . since the lab, I spent a week in Vegas and tore it up, and I had a dance floor gig in Atlanta for 2 weeks. It actually wasn't in Atlant, it was in Athens. Which I've heard nothing but great things about, and saw non of them . . . this town sucks. Don't go there. I did, however, go to see The Dead Sixties, The Bravery, and Weezer at a free show in Downtown Atlanta. Thats was pretty great . . . I also rented a car and headed out to Asheville, NC. This town is AMAZING. This is truly one of the coolest places I've been in my life . . . I want to go back, and direct a show there, just to have an excuse to hang out there for a month or so. I went to see my friend Joanna, who I haven't seen in 7 years. It was realy great to see her, she seemed very happy. If she was a butch lesbian, I'd want to marry this girl. I've got a huge intellectual crush on her.


Then I cam home . . . I've been working in the corporate lighting field for about 9 months now, and while I'm VERY happy to not be in an office, and to make my own schedules, I'm also a bit exhausted by the whole thing. Trust me,, I'm grateful, but I'm still just helping to facilitate that in which I do not believe in, even if what I do is interesting. I love lighting, and I want to know more about it in the future, but man . . . you know what I'm saying. I am NOT, however, saying that I have any intention of leaving the corporate lighting field, as it frankly pays too well.


OH! This is a good one . . . I got an email from John Hopkins University, and their board wants to interview me for their upcoming fall production of "The Adding Machine." I've always wanted to check out Baltimore, and this would exceed the most I've ever made directing by THOUSANDS of dollars. So, here's hoping . . . I'll have a phone interview on August 30th . . .

I also talked to a producer yesterday, and I might be preparing a solo performance piece for the ONE Festival in NYC in November . . .

I think my biggest news, however, is that I'm leaving. I think I'm about 2 years behind schedule, and it's time to go. I'm applying for anything I'm remotely qualified for (mostly art management stuff that I have an interest in . . . I've managed to work in this field for this long, I'm not stopping now . . .) I'm not sure where I'm going, but if no great offers arise, NYC it is. I can't be in Dallas, TX any more. The theatre in this city is too depressing, and I don't think I can change that any time soon. Good luck to those that do, but I, have no school funding to work with, nor do I have
someone paying my bills, so I can concentrate on a theatre company. I've got too many connections elsewhere now . . . it is time . . . I want to be gone by my birthday (Nov. 15th) I WILL be gone by the new year. I've gotten some great advise about this thing, and I've come to two realizations:

I'm never going to have "enough money." I'm never going to have "solid enough connections." And it's never going to be "the right time." I just have to jump in, because once I'm there, it will all work out.

And, I'm not going to wake up when I'm 75 and say "Man, I wish I would have stayed in Dallas."

This past year and a half since I graduated, has been remarkable, and I couldn't have done it if I was living anywhere other than here . . . but I think I'm done, and I have to go . . . =)


So, Dallas/Fort Worth . . . I bid you farewell. In a few months anyway . . .

Peace.Love.Cheers.

Back in Texas

I'm back in Texas . . . I got here last Wednesday and (THANK GOD) I'm leaving again day after tomorrow. I'll be in Las Vegas until Monday, then straight to Atlanta for a couple of weeks . . . about 2 1/2 weeks all in all.

I'm moving. I'll be gone by the end of the year . . . this city kills my soul . . . no one in this town cares about anything. Or if they do, it's (in my opinion, which I am entitled to) they care about things that I just don't find important, like money, or clothes, or "How to keep the homos from getting married" or with what Right Wing Fanatic Bush is going to replace one of the greatest moderate judges in the history of the Supreme Court, and how that will, ultimately, "lower" my taxes.

I love being from Texas. There are AMAZING things here . . . but I'm really not feeling this city anymore . . . if for any reason I stay in Texas any longer, I'll be in Austin . . . they have a concept of separation of church and state there . . . here, I question . . .

Final Day

The final day of the 2005 Directors Lab


Yesterday was the final day of the lab.

Before I get mushy, I'll quickly go over the course of events of the day:

The first thing we had were presentations of the projects we have been working on all week. The project I was on was particularly grueling because it was extremely self reflective of the whole group. We examined an incident, and started to hear all sorts of responses we were not quite ready for . . . it tuned into a race/gender issue, which was not what we expected.

I've never been as intimidated as I was standing in among a group, reciting their own words back to them. There was a certain air of fear among all of us in the group, not that we would fail, but that we would too greatly succeed. We were afraid that our piece might provoke incidents that it shouldn't, certainly not on the last day of the lab.

It went off without a hitch. Everything was great, people kept commenting about how they were grateful that we approached this subject, and how much they enjoyed it. It was very surreal, and feels like it was many moons ago . . .

We then approached our final discussion group, kind of a wrap up session . . . we talked about how to use all of this information, and where we needed to go from here as artists. There's a very strong sense of community in this group. We all truly like one another. It's absolutely AMAZING how much I've bonded with these people over the course of 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!! I've only them for 3 weeks, and these guys feel like the best of friends. I'm very emotional right now.

Okay, quickly moving on. We moved into the pizza party, and from there said our goodbyes to those who couldn't make it to the Karaoke thing that evening. The goodbyes begin . . .

I then headed over to Sean's to see him before I go because "Well dude, I'm working for the next two days so I don't if I'll get to see you if its not tonight." I oblige.

Then to the Karaoke bar . . . me and my theatre fags friends . . . amazing. This was a LOT of fun. No, I didn't sing, sorry to disappoint, but the bar was spacious, and the drinks were moderately priced, and all of my favorite people from the lab were there.

Just a side note: I had heard this from this guy Dominique and figured he was messing with me, but I got confirmation last night. Apparently a bunch of the girls and a few guys went to dinner the other day and started talking about their "Top 5 in the lab" (too hook up with, just to clarify) We all know how self degrading I am when it comes to that sort of stuff, so when I learned that I was one of the most popular ones in the lab, I was floored. It was also decided that I was officially the "Coolest" guy in the lab . . . I guess there is hope for me after all. (Please note, the previous was for journal use only, any further mention will be disregarded . . . because I'm so damn self-conscience . . . this is the one area where I do not toot my own horn so to speak)

The bar was the bar . . . we all got very drunk, we sang songs, we jumped around, I told Catherine to leave her husband and come with me, she said okay, we traded hugs, we said goodbye, we tried to get every last second out of those who were leaving . . . I wonder who of these people I will ever see again . . . email is a great thing, but I wonder if I'll ever do the handshake pull into hug thing with Keith again . . . I wonder if I'll ever get to lend my hoodie to Ashlie or be told "You give great hugs" by Lauren . . . or teach Fredrick what "daps" are . . . or fake battle with Mike Lew . . . there's something deep inside of all of us that begs to be touched . . . and I've been very touched for the past 3 weeks.

Okay, so after the bar, we (our numbers are dwindling) went to Rebecca's house and immediately climbed on to the roof. We sat, we chatted, we told jokes and stories . . . we watched as the sun rose over the east river, and marveled at this thing called New York that we have very much been a part of for the past short while. The city is stunning. The city is magic. I've always loved nature, but there's something remarkable about seeing the culmination of centuries of man's work . . . we built that . . . humans . . . amazing.

So afterwards, we head to breakfast, we lose Greg, Alexandra, Molly, Rebecca, Matt and Snahal. The breakfast is amazing (although still being drunk helps). We continue to enjoy each other and embrace everything that we have gained from this experience. We head for the subway . . . it's now 7:30 AM and the world has awoken.

We take the F line into town to the West 4th stop. We lose Fredrick and Jason.

We then head to the ACE train. We lose Ashlie, Kevin, Lauren, Kathleen.

We head uptown . . . towards Union Square. We lose Mike.

We then come to 59th. Jakob departs the train, and I am alone.

I ride the subway not knowing if I'll ever see these people again. These newly discovered friends that I will miss dearly. I ride the subway, sleepily thinking of everything that has happened . . . this might truly have been the most amazing time in my life. I'm very much in love with everyone in my lab . . . no animosity . . . I love all of those guys and gals . . . I have been blessed to have been given this opportunity, and I will remember it always. These are some of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I'm so lucky to have met them. Okay, now that I've made myself cry, I'll stop this journal entry . . .

To the 2005 Directors Lab. You'll forever be a part of who I am. Cheers.

420 and Post Office Horror

I haven't done this in a while so here goes . . . Happy 420.

This is the greatest holiday of them all, as the magical 420 elves bring you lots of greeny goodness, but Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy all join forces to come together for the most vital of all reasons . . . the neverending, tireless seach for amicable munchies.


Okay, maybe 420 has gotten to me too . . .

Anywho, I'm checking out New Monsoon tomorrow night at Gypsy . . . They seem jammy, and you all know how I am about that . . . Maybe Medeski Martin and Wood on Saturday, depends on funds.

OH! SPEAKING OF!!

I gave the fucking post office the wrong address on my change of address form and just figured it out. Now I have $1800 worth of checks floating around out there and I'm broke as shit. I hate this crap, it's just very annoying.

If anyone wants to buy my a ticket to MMW . . . I will not stop you. I swear. Try me. I won't do it.

Gomez

I just rolled in from Tulsa, where I saw Robbers on High Street, Gomez and Cake.

Now, Gomez is my favorite band, hands down. Ther put on an okay show, but they were in this cavern of a basketball arena, and no one had ever heard of them . . . I hate 18 and 19 years old. With a fucking passion.

The delights of the evening were meeting up with Tom from Gomez before the show. He recognized me and Robin from Houston. He was on his way to get some shirts cleaned and stoned out of his mind.

The other delight was Robbers on High Street. I really dig this band . . . they are almost a very indie rock version of Maroon 5. They are very cool, and have my stamp of approval. Hopefully I'll see them when I'm in the city.

and

I'm preparing to get the hell out of this city. I'm tired of the bullshit and the fact that nothing of merit ever occurs here. I can't wait until June, so I can meet the people I'm supposed to meet, so I can, again, get the hell out of this city.

Lakewood Block Party Tomorrow night.

Delmar and Llano? I think . . . I'll be there regardless

Love

It's remarkable what life will throw at you. A day after I get my heart broken, I sit in The Londoner in Addison, trying to figure out what would make someone, COMPLETELY smitten with another, leave that person and never speak to them again. We're working on a play that I'll be organizing a reading of shortly, and there was a character who decides to leave the one she loves, simply because it wasn't safe. We decided that this would be a bit ridiculous, although I've seen stupider reasons . . .

I have a new found philosophy . . . Stop making a big deal out of everything and just roll with it. Lucas is coming in town this evening. Game on . . .

Tonight I'll be at the Grand Opening of the new Barley House . . . not because I think it will be any good, but because I "need" to be there. I'll be expceted anyway. So, there you have it . . .

Decemberists were STUNNING. They played for 2 hours and were just amazing every second they were up there. Anyone who did not go should have . . . if they are coming to your town GO! They are greatness . . . just enough pop to be groovie, just enough indie to hold my attention . . .

Isn't It funny?

Life?


I'm settling into my new place in Arlington. I'm house-sitting for Mad Mike, my old boss at the comwboy show and the bass player in my old band. He's off to Atlanta to do a pirate show, and wanted me to come with, but instead, I declined and choose to house sit in his stead.

I'm finding that I'm not great with change. As much as I implement it into my life, once I'm used to something, I have issues adjusting. I'm really kinda down right now. Eh, ehatever. I don't have the time or the pateience to be depressed, especially over little shit.


Moving on.

Tonight I'll be at The Decemberists at Trees. You should come. They are wonderful. Actually I'll be at some girl named Kelly's birthday party thing at The Galxay Club, then to Trees for the Decemberists . . .

I've actually had a great week . . . I'm just tired. And in a new house. And have to work at 6 AM.

DECEMBERISTS!! TONIGHT!! COME PLAY!!!

Now

I never know how to start these things . . . .

Maybe I just need to write a book . . . .

I just don’t understand why I’m always looking for something greater . . .
Why can’t I find contentment within the simple things?
Why am I so fucking dramatic?

My right now is "Someday it will be better, but that's no good to us now. Oh we can do so much better, just leave us alone to let us to try to think about nothing." (Shout Out Louds)

Only me . . .

hope·less adj.
1. Having no hope; despairing.
2. Offering no hope; bleak.
3. Incurable.
4. Having no possibility of solution; impossible.

ro·man·tic adj.
1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of romance.
2. Given to thoughts or feelings of romance.
3. Displaying, expressive of, or conducive to love: a romantic atmosphere.
4. Imaginative but impractical; visionary: romantic notions.
5. Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious: His memoirs were criticized as a romantic view of the past.
n.

Hopeless Romantic is basically an incurable impracticality.

You search for perfection . . . You strive for something greater than yourself, although you have no earthly idea of what that can be . . . You wander through this world, blind as a newborn, and you rest on this, you rest on your blind hope that something will happen sometime that means something. You look for meaning in the smallest of things. The pace of breath, the emphasis on a syllable, the accidental touch of a shoulder, or the brush of a hair . . . But mostly you look into someone’s eyes, and hope you see a soul. You start having thoughts about what you see inside someone, and you begin to manifest reason. You create a delusion that can only possibly exist in a mind like yours. You take the attainable, and make it unattainable. You force things into a person that may or may not be there and regardless of reality, you cling to those until you are removed by force. You search for perfection and you see it across a room. You notice the way it moves. You hear the words from its mouth. You see the ease it walks with. You see the way it attaches to others and see the happiness over come them . . .You realize that it is not perfection you have discovered, but rather intrigue. You are completely enthralled by the appearance of perfection that you have forced on top or her. Perfection would almost ruin you at this point, because you are holding on to the belief that perfection is unattainable. But this . . . This is not unattainable. You see the motions, you hear her sweet slight accent, you see the smile and you can’t look away. Your heart is tearing itself into a thousand pieces and you can’t look away. Something takes over . . And you can’t look away. You are told “I believe you are smitten.” You respond “No just intrigued. There would have to be a remote chance of anything beyond the solitary existence of tonight.” Scratch that. You respond “No, just intrigued.” And it begins . . . You become a freight train. You can’t stop until you reach a conclusion. Whether it means being derailed, whether is means reaching a happy conclusion, or whether its having a sudden reason to stop, hitting the brakes, and then realizing that regardless of wishes or intentions, you can‘t stop it.

I'm trying . . . I'm sorry

I finally have a consistant internet connection!!!!

This should be more often now . . .

Lincoln Center

I just got accepted into the Lincoln Center Director's Lab for 2005.

This is not something I was expecting, but I'm happier than you can ever imagine.

This is a huge deal for me . . .

check it out if you want to.

Here.

SXSW

Here is my review of SXSW

The hipsters are right . . . belive the hype.

Bloc Party is amazing. This is going to be the next big thing . . . they have everything you need to make it in rock . . . great beats, hella cool vocals, beautiful driving music, and a black lead singer with a heavy south leeds accent. Listen to "The Answer"


Kaiser Cheifs are pretty great themselves . . . they sound like the CD but I think they have room to grow . . . listen to "Oh my God"

Kasabian put on the best show of the festival, for me anyhow . . . I had never heard this band, and they blew my mind . . . Very big rock. They put on a stadium show in a smallish venue. Greatness!! Listen to "Club Foot"

Shout Out Louds . . . they are very cool. They are kinda southern rockish/alt-country with a bit of electronica . . . they are from Stockholm. I dig them. Listen to "But Then Again No"

Death From Above 1979 . . . HARDCORE. This is one of the coolest shows I saw. Jst a drummer and a bass player . . . fucking hardcore and badass . . . made me want beat the hell out of a 19 year old metal kid in a mosh pit . . . that hasn't happened in a while . . . Listen to "Romantic Rights"


Otherthan that I met Elijah Wood and asked him "What news from the Shire?"
He gave me a dirty look.

SXSW was amazing . . . I'll go inot more later . . . hopefully . . .

Whatever pt. 9

So I sit here in front of this computer, sitting in the dark, excluding the soft glow of the screen in front of. I hear Tom York speak of God and whatnot in the background. I never really thought I would do this, but I guess once you hit the ripe old age of 25 and realize that you are yet to have obtained a degree, gotten a “real” job, or really accepted any responsibility whatsoever . . . Things just kinda start to come out. So here it is . . . I’m 25. I’m half white, half Mexican. Well, I’m not really half and half. I’m actually approximately a third French, around a third Mexican, which is mostly Mestizo, (Spanish and Mexican Indian) about a fourth Irish and German, and I think there’s even some Scottish, Welsh, and Belgian in there . . . I don’t know, my Dad’s a mutt . . . But for all intents and purposes, I’m a half bred. You know, it’s incredibly interesting growing up in this state of consciousness, since I was raise in Northside until I was about 7, then I was whisked off like some damsel in distress, and placed promptly in the middle of the suburbs. So, essentially, while all my previous friends were playing with guns and joining gangs, I was learning the joy that is Super Target, and wondering why there were so many minivans all over the place. Needless to say, it was quite the intellectual alteration. My mindset was abruptly distorted, but it was okay, cause I was now going to “good schools.”

Have you ever tried so hard to find the intricacies in life that others seemingly avoid that you miss the obvious ones right in front of your face? I find myself always looking for the little things and taking pleasure in finding things about art and life and anything for that matter that other people miss . . . My only problem is that I lose sight of the big picture in hopes to perfect the small one. I wish I could just step out of my life an look at everything I am doing completely objectively . . . I think I’m a hell of a director, but as far as acting goes, I’m incredibly unsure. If I could only direct my life, and not have to star in it, I’d be set. It’s kinda like those infamous timeouts you would take as a kid. It never mattered what you were doing, you could take a timeout, and reevaluated the situation . . .I need a timeout so bad right now . . .

I’m scared to death of not leaving a legacy. For most people, it’s children. For others it wealth . . . . For me . . . It’s knowledge. I want to make people think about things they have never thought about before . . . I want people to see my work and not be able to sleep at night, or sleep better than they ever have in their lives, and they could both have seen the same thing.

Then you sit back and you read the shit that vomitted one day, and feel like the most egotistical fuck that you know. I want to make people think? What the fuck does that do? Thinking is over rated, and rarely accomplishies anything.