Chi town and a new plan

Okay, obviously, I'm not quite home yet . . . alas . . . I'll be back in Dallas as of tomorrow evening. I'm in Chicago to attend the Director's Lab Chicago. It's really great to me hee with some of the people I met from the NY Lab in June . . and I didn't have a commitment in Dallas until Monday, so I figured, eh what the hell, I'll go to Chicago . . . so . . . there you have it . . .

Chicago is . . .

Okay, I'm not quite sure if it's my kind of town as of yet, but from what I've seen thusfar, it's pretty awesome. It's not on the level of NY, Boston, Austin, or Portland, but that could change today. I'm about to head into downtown and walk around exploring. Toinight, after the lab I'm either going to go check out some live music, or some improv . . . both of which are very important to view of the city. This lab is going to be, and already is, very good for me. It's just sort of a quick reminder that this is what I want to do . . . I'm like this life I have right now, traveling, meeting new people, experiencing the world (by that I mean the US) but I'm also starting to feel like I need to settle down in one place and try to start something. I'm not quite sure where that is, but I think it's NY as of now . . . I have to do this. I have to. NY is always going to haunt me if I don't go, and this is the time, I just kind of feel it . . . So anywho . . . my first day in Chi town was this:

Arrive at about 11 AM

Hope the Orange line into town, transfer to the Blue line and exit at Logan Square, then walk to the lab just in time to see half of Bob Falls and Anne Cantaneo speak. It was geat to see Anne and the rest of the people from the lab again . . .

I stayed for all but the last clinic, and I met some very cool people at dinner. We went to some vegetarian place that was stellar.

Then Erica came and picked me up, and we went back to her house to drop my things off and pick up Jolene and Amanda. We then went down to Lincoln Square to this bar called Daily. It was very cool little spot, and the food was extremely edible. I started to notice something about Chicago . . . everyone here looks normal . . . I guess I'm used to the glam of Dallas or NY, but even in Florida, I never conciously thought "Everyone here is just sort of plan." It's not a bad thing, it was just something I noticed . . . There's sort of a level playing field here that is very interesting.

Anyway, we partied like senior citizens last night, and got home by 10 PM, where we all passed out by 10:30. Grandpa's has a long month, so this was a very good thing . . . maybe tonight I'll party like a toodler.

Coming home

Coming home


So, I'm about to do my last day of shows in Winter Haven, FL. This has been a very interesting time for me . . . let's see . . . I've lost 15 lbs. I got rid of one of my credit cards, and took a chunk out of the other one. I fell for a girl with a boyfriend, but managed to sleep with her every night for 2 weeks. I quit smoking. I'm learning more about theatre by doing these shows, than any college class I took. And I've made some amazing friends.

I'm very ready to come home. So, just an update . . .

I'll be home from November 5th through the 20th. I have a commitment with the Dallas Theatre Center for A Christmas Carol. (Doing lighting)

Then on the 20th, I head to Valdosta, GA. Until the end of the year. I'll be doing one of two shows down there, acting in them. This is monetary decision. The lighting work I do in Dallas is virtually non-existant in the month of December. So, I'm going where the work is. This is so I can have enough money to move to NY in January. I'm really starting to believe that this is going to happen. I've unbalanced my life enough now, that I really have no reason NOT to move to NY, otherthan money, and that's being taken care of with these gigs.

I'm finally in a decent place, I think . . . or atleast getting there. To all of my friends in Dallas . . . I'm home for 2 weeks. Please try to see me. To all of my friends in NY . . . I'll see you very soon, start looking for a job for me. To all of my friends in Florida . . . you'll never really know how much you mean to me . . . I never thought I could be so affected here, but I certainly am . . . thank you.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I hate me.

I find myself in Winter Haven, FL. There is nothing to do here. Blah Blah.
Here's the deal . . . I'm sort of VERY smitten with a girl here (a dancer in some show) and she finds herself smitten with me. Here's the kicker . . . BOYFRIEND. Now . . . she's doing the whole girl thing, IE. "If it wasn't like this... Oh I wish it was easier... I don't want to stop hanging out with you... I feel like I'm letting myself down... I wish I didn't feel like I had to answer to him... I just can't do what I actually want to do with you... Why are things so complicated... I'm so sorry Nico..." Which, of course, is AWESOME when you feel the same way . . . however, I, on the other hand, am coming to the conclusion that she's going to keep this shit up until it's time for me to leave, and I'm just going to feel like shit if I continue to care . . . So now I'm at an impasse . . . Should I:
Stop giving a shit and begin the painful process of ignoring her to the point that I don't have to hurt anymore?
Continue the way I feel right now, and just let whatever be whatever?
Tell her to just fucking leave me alone and go be with her boyfriend?
Tell her "I'm not going to change how I feel, and I'm not in the mood to change how I act around people and too old to play games, so I'm just going to act naturally, and if there's a problem, you just tell me." ?

NONE OF THIS WOULD MATTER IF I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER!!! FUCK!! It's the whole, I'm kinda falling for her, because she's the most amazing, beautiful girl I've met in a very long time thing that's causing the trouble.

Thoughts? I hate this shit . . . I personally think I need to get hypnotized into not being suckered so fucking quickly . . . Why am I an emotional wreck? Jesus Christ . . . it's really annoying most times . . . I suppose this is why I'm a hell of a boyfriend . . . I just think I care too much about most things. What's it matter really? We're all going to die anyway. I'm just sick of it. I need to just start living moment by moment . . . the way I always felt I have, excluding this one aspect of my life. I'm always fucked in love. I hate this hopeless romantic bullshit.

hope·less adj.
1. Having no hope; despairing.
2. Offering no hope; bleak.
3. Incurable.
4. Having no possibility of solution; impossible.

ro·man·tic adj.
1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of romance.
2. Given to thoughts or feelings of romance.
3. Displaying, expressive of, or conducive to love: a romantic atmosphere.
4. Imaginative but impractical; visionary: romantic notions.
5. Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious: His memoirs were criticized as a romantic view of the past.
n.
1. A romantic person.

Hopeless Romantic is basically an incurable impracticality.

This is my right now

This pretty much sums me up right now:



When I was young I was invincible,
I find myself now thinking twice,
I never thought about no future,
its just the roll of the dice.

But the day may come when you've got something to lose,
and just when you think you're done paying dues
And you say to yourself, dear God what Have I done?
And hope its not too late 'cause tomorrow may never come.

Reach For the Sky, 'cause tomorrow may never come
Reach For the Sky, 'cause tomorrow may never come

Yesterday is history and tomorrow's a mystery
But baby right now, its just about you and me,
You can run you can hide, just like Bonnie and Clyde
Reach for the sky ain't never gonna die,
and I thank the Lord for the love I have found
and hold you tight cause tomorrow may never come.

So if you please take this moment
Try if you can make it last
Don't think about no future and just forget about the past
and make it last.





Now . . . name this band and song . . . it's also on one of the best albums I've heard in a long time . . . .

Trying to come to some sort of resolution

First of all . . . you should be able to post comments on here now . . . someone please try for me.

NOW . . . on to the blog . . .



I've spent a long time thinking about my future plans, and now I'm trying to exactly pin point what got me thinking about NOT going to NY . . .

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to resolve to do, but I do know this much . . . I have amazing friends. Thank you to everyone who has helped me figure out what's up with me right now. It's nothing major, but (God help me for quoting this crap artist) I seriously think I am going through a quarter life crisis . . . or adolescence . . . well, if the 30's are the new 20's . . . then I'm a fucking 15 year old I suppose . . . which would oddly make sense right now.

Anyway, I thought I should post 2 more responses to my blog, for all to read . . . I know they meant a lot to me.

=====================

nico- no one can answer that for you but you. cliché I know but its true. what do you want? what do any of us want really? i don't think we all know 100% and i don't think we will ever know 100%. that’s the mystery of life. that is the chance you take. you don't have to make the right choice as long as you are making choices. you are allowed mistakes for so many reason. life is about learning and learning what is important to you. you believe you know what is important to you but the funny thing is that it is always changing. you grow and experience so much yearly, there is no way your goals won't change even a little. you can donate your entire life to science and realize one day that you really just wanted to be a singer. people do it every single day and it doesn’t' matter when you realize it, just as long as you are always looking for it but not letting anything else pass you by. I would say that school might just be exactly what you need. I want you to move here. I really think there is so much creative to be had but if you aren't sure and if you aren't ready to sacrifice anything for that, then go to school and take some more time. isn't that why we are all go to college anyway, to figure out what we want to do? Just don't use it as a cop out. Being scared of success and commitment and approaching life isn't a battle of the future, its a battle of the mind. i hope you aren't getting those confused. i love you baby always. New York will always be here. grad school will always be wherever it is. but don't let life pass you by on the way.

-April Gentry

========================

here is my comment:

Your obligations at this point are few. You have debt (welcome to America), yes, but you don’t have a wife or a child or mortgage payments or a super-duper best-job-ever.

As for not finding her, not finding the perfect job, not finding your 'calling' yet, it's just the universe's way of telling you to focus on you right now, on pushing yourself to do things entirely selfish and altogether a little bit crazy - it means you've got to do something different; maybe you haven't found those things because you're not in the right place to find them.

And by 'place' I don't necessarily mean geographical (although moving has always motivated me - I lived in 4 different cities, two countries, in 18 months, at one point). Youth is our opportunity to fight stagnancy, and if you feel like your life is on hold, it is your responsibility to shake things up before your obligations become too numerous and too heavy to allow any movement.

My thoughts on school? Don't do it to be safe, to stay in Dallas or to stay in your comfort zone as a student (no matter the location). Do it because the program scares you, because you think you might not be good enough for it, because you think there is a possibility to fail. Because otherwise, you could find it hard to push yourself to do more than get by, and we will find ourselves having this same conversation in a few years.

Take this opportunity to be selfish, to be young, to be crazy and a bit irrational. My advice? Pick the option that scares the shit out of you, and then go for it.

so yeah, there you go, my two cents

love you baby

-Kris Norvet

===================================



My friends are wonderful. You all mean the world to me, and I hope you know that. I know that not only will I make the right decision, but I will have unending support from each of you, and that really does touch me. I have your love and support. THAT is truly all I need. Thank you.

Update

I find myself in Winter Haven, Florida. This is halfway between Tampa and Orlando . . . what does this mean? I'm making money acting in a comedy, staying with some great friends I haven't seen in a while, and simultaneously I'm confusing myself beyond belief . . . I'm again, trying to figure just what it is I want out of life.

I know what makes me happy, but I so often find myself without it. I need to be propelling myself artistically, and in many ways, I think that I am right now . . . but at the same time, I'm not exactly doing what I want . . . So what are my options at this point?

1. Stay here for a little while, make good money, clear out debt (which needs to happen, regardless of what my ultimate choices be) and ride this out as far as it goes.

2. Go back to Dallas at the end of the month, struggle to make money doing what I do there (lighting for theatre and corporate events) and hopefully clear out some debt, until it's time to find something else . . . I get to be with my friends, and that is something I'm starting to desperately miss . . .

3. Say fuck it and move to NY.

4. Grad school.

I know these are all basically the same . . . okay, not quite. It's coming down to Grad School next year or no. This is basically my dilemma . . . I've feeling very lost and alone right now, and I know this isn't quite the greatest place to be when I'm in that sort of state . . . I should be with my close friends who know me and can provide guidance, but alas, I am here, and I am making good money . . .

I'm just in a very weird place . . . what do I want? Where do I want to end up? Why do I feel alone? What's my goal? Where do my allegiances lie? Who's more important to me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What grad school do I apply to? Why grad school? Will that help? Will it get me anywhere? Do I want to take on more debt for an education? Do I like NY? Do I hate NY? Why NY? Is it worth it? What do I want? Where do I need to be? What do I want? Why can't I commit to anything? Why can't I stop committing so much? What do I want? Why can't I find her? What is wrong with me? What do I want? Where do I need to be? Why? Why not? What am I doing here? Why did I take this job? Why am I still in Dallas? What do I want? When is the right time? Why can't I find what I need? Where am I? What do I want?

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

help.

(if you can answer all those questions, I'll buy you an island)

So I'm here in F-L-A

I got here yesterday, and have finally gotten the script this evening . . . I have tomorrow to rehearse, then go time on Friday . . . I have to crash, but I will update this more often starting tonight, or tomorrow rather.

AHH!!

I'm going nuts.

I haven't slept in 24 hours, but this is all intenitonal. Instead of sleeping, I went to 3 parties last night, and stayed up until 6 AM, and went straight to work.

Dumbass.

I have to work something like 50 hours between tomorrow and Thursday, before I head to Austin for ACL, and I have NO TIME after ACL to get ready to go to Florida on Monday.

Dumbass.

I have reduced my errand time for my upcoming trip to TOMORROW from about noon to 3 . . .

Dumbass.

I am, instead of going to sleep, after 24 hours of being awake, about to leave for a date. I've planned this date in the past 15 minutes, as before I called Audra, I was just going to go to bed.

Dumbass.

I've had 3 requests from girls I've dated recently (not girls, I'm dating, persay, but girls I would go out with occassionally before I left for Oregon) to see me before I go . . . I have yet to respond to any of them.

Dumbass.

I'm currently blasting "Ballad of Jim Jones" by Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Not particularly dumbass.

I did just ask my date how old she was . . . (21)

Dumbass.

I'm out.

Good Luck to me.



Last 10 songs played by my shuffle of my Ipod:

Scouts Honor - Les Savy Fav
Ballad of Jim Jones - Brian Jonestown Massacre
One Down - Ben Folds
Witch Doctor - Galactic
Farm Fresh Onions - Robert Earl Keen
Average Man - Turin Brakes
Certain Songs - The Hold Steady
Lost Myself In Search of You - Matt Nathanson
Neighborhood #1 - Arcade Fire
Casino Queen - Wilco

I've decided...

I've taken the job in Florida, and I'm heading out the day after ACL Fest (The 26th)

I think I'm happier when I'm on the road . . . it makes my time at home a bit more important I guess . . . My friends, unfortunetaly, mean more to me when I've been gone for a while, than when I'm around them all the time . . .

I'm in a weird place right now, because I've basically spent the past 2 years of my life traveling, bouncing from job to job . . . I realy kind of love it . . . I find myself being very internal right now . . . I love my friends, but I guess I'm in a self-discovery mode at this point in my life. Quarter life crisis and whatnot. I'm not making much sense, so I'll stop now.

Now it gets personal...

I haven't felt like that about someone in years. This unfortunately include a couple of RELATIONSHIPS that I've been in . . .

I'm beginning to realize what it was . . . perfection.

I couldn't have written a better script for my evening, and yet it all happened . . . She made me realize how I want someone to make me feel everday of my life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I'm starting to think that I'm just one of the lucky ones who get to experience a perfect time and a perfect solitary moment . . . I've haven't felt that way when I kissed someone since . . . anyway . . . I'm also beginning to realize the solitary nature of the evening. Did it happen because there could be no consequence? Did we both give in because there was no reason not to? We couldn't break eachothers' hearts in the morning, we couldn't begin to grow to hate things about eahother, we couldn't begin to despise the way the other spoke or chewed food . . . we just had that one night where we could let go . . . there was no fear of wrecking a future that didn't exist. I've been to a place where few go, and now I know what I want to feel when I'm with someone . . . and it's all because of a girl 6 years my junior . . . I will forever cherish that night. As it is I can't stop thinking about it . . . regardless, I'm very lucky. I hope someone makes you feel the way she made me feel that night. It's a remarkable thing.

Seattle/Portland

Seattle was fun . . . the whole town kinda gives off the "too cool for school" vibe, but otherthan that, it's a great little town. It's bigger than I thought it was going to be . . . Michael and I went and saw Jude night before last. He was really mediocre, but I was happy to be seeing live music in Seattle . . .

I can tell you that there is atleast one pretty cool disc golf course in Seattle . . . fucking hippies . . .

I did leave one day early to go back to Portland, my new favorite town, usa. Portland rocks man, I'm telling you . . . I got in town and went to this amazing dive of a movie theatre to see the new Jeff Buckley documentary, then Heather and I continued our tour of the city . . . I'm seriously falling for this city fast, it's kinda ridiculous . . . anywho, we had a great time . . .

And, just so you all are aware, I'm sitting in the Portland airport, wait to come home . . . welcome me, I might not be staying long . . . I might be in Florida for the month of October . . .

I really need to do this more...

This is going to be a generalized relfections on my past few months . . . I'll also speak briefly about my future plans. Thank you all for coming to this news confrence.

Alright . . . The lab was easily the most important thing I've ever done. I made more solid connections and came to more realizations about theatre and myself than at any other time of my life. It was just amazing...

I could talk for hours on end about the experience, but I'll hit you up with some quick highlights:

1. I had my NYC debut and directed a show at The Cherry Lane Theatre. It could not have gone better! The guy who wrote it, Ross Berger, was a Cherry Lane Fellow and was mentored by Michael Weller, who came to see the show. We wound up having a nice chat after the show, and he told me that I did a great job with the show. I told him that he must have done a great job mentoring as well.

2. Dolly, a lab director, saw the Cherry Lane piece, and asked for a copy of it to translate into Chinese. She also said that if it works in Chinese, she would like Ross and I to come to China to work on a production . . . since she's working in a National theatre, I really think there's a shot of this
happening.

3. I've been offered a show in the Strawberry Festival in Sept. in NYC. No pay, but we'll see . . . the script is not that great, but if I like the playwright, maybe it could be a doable situation. I'll know more late next week. (I since turned this show down, but it was nice to be thought of)

4. Paula Vogel. Oscar Eustis. Ming Cho Li. Andre Bishop. Anne Cattaneo. Warren Leight. Donald Marguiles. Michael Weller. Samm-Art Williams. Dan Sullivan. Ira Wietzman. Lloyd Richards. Edward Machado.

5. Fredrick is actively seeking a way to get me to assist him on some shows in Denmark.

6. Lauren is actively seeking a way to get me to assist her on some shows in Melbourne, Australia.

7. Ashlie is actively seeking a way to get me to direct a show in Toronto.

8. Alexandria is wanting me to help with the English version of this website that is an online "hotel" for playwrights, where they can meet up and co-write if they want to. It's sponsored by a bunch of private funding in Belgium and Sweden.

9. I'm good friends with the co-founder of the new DC Fringe.

10. I have more playwrights at my disposal right now than I know what to do with.

So . . . since the lab, I spent a week in Vegas and tore it up, and I had a dance floor gig in Atlanta for 2 weeks. It actually wasn't in Atlant, it was in Athens. Which I've heard nothing but great things about, and saw non of them . . . this town sucks. Don't go there. I did, however, go to see The Dead Sixties, The Bravery, and Weezer at a free show in Downtown Atlanta. Thats was pretty great . . . I also rented a car and headed out to Asheville, NC. This town is AMAZING. This is truly one of the coolest places I've been in my life . . . I want to go back, and direct a show there, just to have an excuse to hang out there for a month or so. I went to see my friend Joanna, who I haven't seen in 7 years. It was realy great to see her, she seemed very happy. If she was a butch lesbian, I'd want to marry this girl. I've got a huge intellectual crush on her.


Then I cam home . . . I've been working in the corporate lighting field for about 9 months now, and while I'm VERY happy to not be in an office, and to make my own schedules, I'm also a bit exhausted by the whole thing. Trust me,, I'm grateful, but I'm still just helping to facilitate that in which I do not believe in, even if what I do is interesting. I love lighting, and I want to know more about it in the future, but man . . . you know what I'm saying. I am NOT, however, saying that I have any intention of leaving the corporate lighting field, as it frankly pays too well.


OH! This is a good one . . . I got an email from John Hopkins University, and their board wants to interview me for their upcoming fall production of "The Adding Machine." I've always wanted to check out Baltimore, and this would exceed the most I've ever made directing by THOUSANDS of dollars. So, here's hoping . . . I'll have a phone interview on August 30th . . .

I also talked to a producer yesterday, and I might be preparing a solo performance piece for the ONE Festival in NYC in November . . .

I think my biggest news, however, is that I'm leaving. I think I'm about 2 years behind schedule, and it's time to go. I'm applying for anything I'm remotely qualified for (mostly art management stuff that I have an interest in . . . I've managed to work in this field for this long, I'm not stopping now . . .) I'm not sure where I'm going, but if no great offers arise, NYC it is. I can't be in Dallas, TX any more. The theatre in this city is too depressing, and I don't think I can change that any time soon. Good luck to those that do, but I, have no school funding to work with, nor do I have
someone paying my bills, so I can concentrate on a theatre company. I've got too many connections elsewhere now . . . it is time . . . I want to be gone by my birthday (Nov. 15th) I WILL be gone by the new year. I've gotten some great advise about this thing, and I've come to two realizations:

I'm never going to have "enough money." I'm never going to have "solid enough connections." And it's never going to be "the right time." I just have to jump in, because once I'm there, it will all work out.

And, I'm not going to wake up when I'm 75 and say "Man, I wish I would have stayed in Dallas."

This past year and a half since I graduated, has been remarkable, and I couldn't have done it if I was living anywhere other than here . . . but I think I'm done, and I have to go . . . =)


So, Dallas/Fort Worth . . . I bid you farewell. In a few months anyway . . .

Peace.Love.Cheers.

Back in Texas

I'm back in Texas . . . I got here last Wednesday and (THANK GOD) I'm leaving again day after tomorrow. I'll be in Las Vegas until Monday, then straight to Atlanta for a couple of weeks . . . about 2 1/2 weeks all in all.

I'm moving. I'll be gone by the end of the year . . . this city kills my soul . . . no one in this town cares about anything. Or if they do, it's (in my opinion, which I am entitled to) they care about things that I just don't find important, like money, or clothes, or "How to keep the homos from getting married" or with what Right Wing Fanatic Bush is going to replace one of the greatest moderate judges in the history of the Supreme Court, and how that will, ultimately, "lower" my taxes.

I love being from Texas. There are AMAZING things here . . . but I'm really not feeling this city anymore . . . if for any reason I stay in Texas any longer, I'll be in Austin . . . they have a concept of separation of church and state there . . . here, I question . . .

Final Day

The final day of the 2005 Directors Lab


Yesterday was the final day of the lab.

Before I get mushy, I'll quickly go over the course of events of the day:

The first thing we had were presentations of the projects we have been working on all week. The project I was on was particularly grueling because it was extremely self reflective of the whole group. We examined an incident, and started to hear all sorts of responses we were not quite ready for . . . it tuned into a race/gender issue, which was not what we expected.

I've never been as intimidated as I was standing in among a group, reciting their own words back to them. There was a certain air of fear among all of us in the group, not that we would fail, but that we would too greatly succeed. We were afraid that our piece might provoke incidents that it shouldn't, certainly not on the last day of the lab.

It went off without a hitch. Everything was great, people kept commenting about how they were grateful that we approached this subject, and how much they enjoyed it. It was very surreal, and feels like it was many moons ago . . .

We then approached our final discussion group, kind of a wrap up session . . . we talked about how to use all of this information, and where we needed to go from here as artists. There's a very strong sense of community in this group. We all truly like one another. It's absolutely AMAZING how much I've bonded with these people over the course of 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!! I've only them for 3 weeks, and these guys feel like the best of friends. I'm very emotional right now.

Okay, quickly moving on. We moved into the pizza party, and from there said our goodbyes to those who couldn't make it to the Karaoke thing that evening. The goodbyes begin . . .

I then headed over to Sean's to see him before I go because "Well dude, I'm working for the next two days so I don't if I'll get to see you if its not tonight." I oblige.

Then to the Karaoke bar . . . me and my theatre fags friends . . . amazing. This was a LOT of fun. No, I didn't sing, sorry to disappoint, but the bar was spacious, and the drinks were moderately priced, and all of my favorite people from the lab were there.

Just a side note: I had heard this from this guy Dominique and figured he was messing with me, but I got confirmation last night. Apparently a bunch of the girls and a few guys went to dinner the other day and started talking about their "Top 5 in the lab" (too hook up with, just to clarify) We all know how self degrading I am when it comes to that sort of stuff, so when I learned that I was one of the most popular ones in the lab, I was floored. It was also decided that I was officially the "Coolest" guy in the lab . . . I guess there is hope for me after all. (Please note, the previous was for journal use only, any further mention will be disregarded . . . because I'm so damn self-conscience . . . this is the one area where I do not toot my own horn so to speak)

The bar was the bar . . . we all got very drunk, we sang songs, we jumped around, I told Catherine to leave her husband and come with me, she said okay, we traded hugs, we said goodbye, we tried to get every last second out of those who were leaving . . . I wonder who of these people I will ever see again . . . email is a great thing, but I wonder if I'll ever do the handshake pull into hug thing with Keith again . . . I wonder if I'll ever get to lend my hoodie to Ashlie or be told "You give great hugs" by Lauren . . . or teach Fredrick what "daps" are . . . or fake battle with Mike Lew . . . there's something deep inside of all of us that begs to be touched . . . and I've been very touched for the past 3 weeks.

Okay, so after the bar, we (our numbers are dwindling) went to Rebecca's house and immediately climbed on to the roof. We sat, we chatted, we told jokes and stories . . . we watched as the sun rose over the east river, and marveled at this thing called New York that we have very much been a part of for the past short while. The city is stunning. The city is magic. I've always loved nature, but there's something remarkable about seeing the culmination of centuries of man's work . . . we built that . . . humans . . . amazing.

So afterwards, we head to breakfast, we lose Greg, Alexandra, Molly, Rebecca, Matt and Snahal. The breakfast is amazing (although still being drunk helps). We continue to enjoy each other and embrace everything that we have gained from this experience. We head for the subway . . . it's now 7:30 AM and the world has awoken.

We take the F line into town to the West 4th stop. We lose Fredrick and Jason.

We then head to the ACE train. We lose Ashlie, Kevin, Lauren, Kathleen.

We head uptown . . . towards Union Square. We lose Mike.

We then come to 59th. Jakob departs the train, and I am alone.

I ride the subway not knowing if I'll ever see these people again. These newly discovered friends that I will miss dearly. I ride the subway, sleepily thinking of everything that has happened . . . this might truly have been the most amazing time in my life. I'm very much in love with everyone in my lab . . . no animosity . . . I love all of those guys and gals . . . I have been blessed to have been given this opportunity, and I will remember it always. These are some of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I'm so lucky to have met them. Okay, now that I've made myself cry, I'll stop this journal entry . . .

To the 2005 Directors Lab. You'll forever be a part of who I am. Cheers.

420 and Post Office Horror

I haven't done this in a while so here goes . . . Happy 420.

This is the greatest holiday of them all, as the magical 420 elves bring you lots of greeny goodness, but Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy all join forces to come together for the most vital of all reasons . . . the neverending, tireless seach for amicable munchies.


Okay, maybe 420 has gotten to me too . . .

Anywho, I'm checking out New Monsoon tomorrow night at Gypsy . . . They seem jammy, and you all know how I am about that . . . Maybe Medeski Martin and Wood on Saturday, depends on funds.

OH! SPEAKING OF!!

I gave the fucking post office the wrong address on my change of address form and just figured it out. Now I have $1800 worth of checks floating around out there and I'm broke as shit. I hate this crap, it's just very annoying.

If anyone wants to buy my a ticket to MMW . . . I will not stop you. I swear. Try me. I won't do it.

Gomez

I just rolled in from Tulsa, where I saw Robbers on High Street, Gomez and Cake.

Now, Gomez is my favorite band, hands down. Ther put on an okay show, but they were in this cavern of a basketball arena, and no one had ever heard of them . . . I hate 18 and 19 years old. With a fucking passion.

The delights of the evening were meeting up with Tom from Gomez before the show. He recognized me and Robin from Houston. He was on his way to get some shirts cleaned and stoned out of his mind.

The other delight was Robbers on High Street. I really dig this band . . . they are almost a very indie rock version of Maroon 5. They are very cool, and have my stamp of approval. Hopefully I'll see them when I'm in the city.

and

I'm preparing to get the hell out of this city. I'm tired of the bullshit and the fact that nothing of merit ever occurs here. I can't wait until June, so I can meet the people I'm supposed to meet, so I can, again, get the hell out of this city.

Lakewood Block Party Tomorrow night.

Delmar and Llano? I think . . . I'll be there regardless

Love

It's remarkable what life will throw at you. A day after I get my heart broken, I sit in The Londoner in Addison, trying to figure out what would make someone, COMPLETELY smitten with another, leave that person and never speak to them again. We're working on a play that I'll be organizing a reading of shortly, and there was a character who decides to leave the one she loves, simply because it wasn't safe. We decided that this would be a bit ridiculous, although I've seen stupider reasons . . .

I have a new found philosophy . . . Stop making a big deal out of everything and just roll with it. Lucas is coming in town this evening. Game on . . .

Tonight I'll be at the Grand Opening of the new Barley House . . . not because I think it will be any good, but because I "need" to be there. I'll be expceted anyway. So, there you have it . . .

Decemberists were STUNNING. They played for 2 hours and were just amazing every second they were up there. Anyone who did not go should have . . . if they are coming to your town GO! They are greatness . . . just enough pop to be groovie, just enough indie to hold my attention . . .

Isn't It funny?

Life?


I'm settling into my new place in Arlington. I'm house-sitting for Mad Mike, my old boss at the comwboy show and the bass player in my old band. He's off to Atlanta to do a pirate show, and wanted me to come with, but instead, I declined and choose to house sit in his stead.

I'm finding that I'm not great with change. As much as I implement it into my life, once I'm used to something, I have issues adjusting. I'm really kinda down right now. Eh, ehatever. I don't have the time or the pateience to be depressed, especially over little shit.


Moving on.

Tonight I'll be at The Decemberists at Trees. You should come. They are wonderful. Actually I'll be at some girl named Kelly's birthday party thing at The Galxay Club, then to Trees for the Decemberists . . .

I've actually had a great week . . . I'm just tired. And in a new house. And have to work at 6 AM.

DECEMBERISTS!! TONIGHT!! COME PLAY!!!